The Adventures of Farkas the Dragonborn

A snarky story of Farkas and his journey through Skyrim with... himself. Warning: This blog contains Farkas.

"A Farkasborn is a rare individual who has been born with the blood and soul of a Farkas, but the body of a mortal, and can naturally learn and speak their ancient and powerful tongue. Farkasborn scarcely exist and it is rare for more than one to appear within an era..." - fix'd from TES Wikia

------------------------------------------------------- A/N: [Text written between brackets] Owned and maintained by Sephirona. -------------------------------------------------------
[Reblog, don't repost, please!]
Farkas stalking himself as he goes to his room to sleep.
[My first time making a gif from in-game footage. It’s not much, but it does mean more gifs from me in the future after I get better at it C; Enjoy, and thanks for following!]

Farkas stalking himself as he goes to his room to sleep.

[My first time making a gif from in-game footage. It’s not much, but it does mean more gifs from me in the future after I get better at it C; Enjoy, and thanks for following!]


chapter 2: boots and booze.

Farkas was feeling a tempting desire to righteously bludgeon a few unsuspecting denizens in that jolly neighborly fashion so common to Nord-folk in Skyrim, and so asked himself for work and was told to clear out a den of vampires at Shriekwind Bastion. He would have asked Vilkas for work, but his brother seemed to be busy eating sweetrolls and had made quite an unpleasant face when approached.

Farkas had scarcely set foot outside Whiterun when he was attacked by a Boethiah Cultist. Farkas was much bigger than the Cultist and also had his favorite (very large) sword with him, and thought the Cultist was not very smart. Unable to come up with a suitable explanation in words for his thoughts on the matter, Farkas chose to explain with his sword instead.

The Cultist was stubborn, but Farkas’ explanation proved effective. The Cultist was much more cooperative afterwards and even gave up a few septims in apology.

Farkas then stopped to capture a few River Betties in the name of Ysgramor.

He made his way into the bastion and found a room filled with boots of various sizes. It was very strange and rather confusing.

Another room led to a passageway that started spitting fire when he tried to open the door. It was also very strange. Farkas contemplated whether it had been masochistic of him to send himself into such a confusing place, but thinking about it confused him too, so he stopped.

He was attacked by a (also not smart) master vampire, and once again his sword made a very compelling argument.

He beat up everyone in the dungeon with great justice and finally made it out.

After he made his way back to Jorrvaskr, Farkas congratulated himself on a job well done.

That night, he celebrated his fantastic bludgeoning with several pints of mead. He caught himself mumbling drunkenly and even caught himself making advances on himself. It was very confusing, so he had some more mead.

He then decided dancing over the hearthfire barefoot in only his loons seemed a very attractive notion and proceeded to do so with great vigor and conviction.

The End.


[Hello, awesome new followers!]
Thanks for following! Have a picture of Farkas looking like he’s wearing a teeny tiny chef’s hat. ouo

[Hello, awesome new followers!]

Thanks for following! Have a picture of Farkas looking like he’s wearing a teeny tiny chef’s hat. ouo


[Thanks, conscience. But I think I’ll pass.]
[How is he keeping that sword on his back? Stuck in his loincloth? How manly]

[Thanks, conscience. But I think I’ll pass.]

[How is he keeping that sword on his back? Stuck in his loincloth? How manly]


Chapter 1: Dustman’s Cairn

[The Adventures of Farkas the Dragonborn]

Farkas was always a few steps behind everyone else in the brains department, so it wasn’t surprising that it was a while before he was allowed to go out hunting with the rest of his Shield-Siblings. He wasn’t good at complicated things, not like his brother Vilkas, so he was content to spend most of his time training. Skjor made him train a lot. Aela said it was because “you’ll need all the practice you can get if you don’t want to accidentally send us on a one way trip to Sovngarde with that brute strength of yours, icebrain.” Vilkas said she just meant that he should keep honing his skills so he wouldn’t hurt his friends during fights. Farkas understood fighting and he definitely didn’t want to injure his fellow Companions, but he didn’t get what it had to do with trips. He didn’t have any money to pay for carriages anyway.

One day, Skjor told him he was finally going to get a chance to prove he was capable of fighting alongside his brethren. He would be going to a place called Dustman’s Cairn to retrieve a fragment of the legendary Wuuthrad. Skjor also told him to talk to Farkas, who would be going with him. Apparently his Shield-Sibling was going to be… himself. Farkas was very excited. It was all very surreal.

On the way there, Farkas stopped to capture some moths in the name of Ysgramor.

While in the dungeon, he got himself stuck behind a trapdoor, but he helped himself out…

…like so. Talk about an out of body experience.

He also healed himself lots, too. It felt good.

(As an aside, for some reason he always got really close to himself while sneaking. Farkas is very comfortable with himself, it would seem. Or maybe it was cause he had just encountered a massive mammoth-sized frostbite spider and was feeling in need of some comfort. Spiders gave him the woozles.)

He found the fragment of Wuuthrad after beating up a lot of Draugr and made his way back to Jorrvaskr, where he praised his own prowess in battle and promised to protect himself forever.

Afterwards, Kodlak told him to ask Eorlund for a better sword, even though he already had a Skyforge Steel Greatsword on his back. Everything was very confusing, and thinking about it made him tired. Farkas decided it was time for a nap.

The End.